If your child is not yet a musical prodigy, threaten to burn her stuffed animals. If she misbehaves, put her out into the cold. If her academics fall short of perfection, force her to practice 2,000 math problems a night. A formula for success, or a mental breakdown?
According to Amy Chua, author of “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” such extreme parenting puts her on the front lines of a struggle to save civilization.
Ms. Chua, a Chinese-American law professor at Yale University, has caused a stir in America by contrasting the “Chinese mother” with the “Western mother.” The former, in her view, is strict and punitive while guiding children to exceptional achievements. The latter is lax, indulgent and overly concerned with bolstering self-esteem .
Although, when it comes to parenting, even Tiger Moms should expect the unexpected; in the subtitle of her book, Ms. Chua refers to “How I was humbled by a 13-year-old.”
But who can argue with success? A study published in December showed that out of 65 countries, students in China and South Korea were among the top performers in math, science and reading. The United States came in 15th in reading, 23rd in science and 31st in math.
Some Westerners applaud Ms. Chua. In a post on the Times Web site, a teacher from Greenfield, New York, wrote: “Ours is a culture of laziness and entitlement. Other cultures do well because effort is expected of everyone.”
But a blogger wrote, “Parents like Amy Chua are the reason Asian- Americans like me are in therapy.” Citing Ms. Chua’s total ban on playdates and sleepovers with friends, David Brooks of The Times wrote, “I have the opposite problem with Ms. Chua. I believe she is coddling her children.”
He added, “Practicing a piece of music for four hours requires focused attention, but it is nowhere near as cognitively demanding as a sleepover with 14-year-old girls. Managing status rivalries, negotiating group dynamics, understanding social norms, navigating the distinction between self and group ? these and other social tests impose cognitive demands that blow away any intense tutoring session or a class at Yale.”
Mr. Brooks argues that such “arduous skills” are crucial, since working in groups is essential to success.
Others argue that rote learning under threat of punishment may be stifling creativity. As a commentator on the Wall Street Journal’s Web site expressed it, “You can brute-force any kid to learn the piano, but you’ll never get a Jimi Hendrix that way.”
Even some Asians agree. During a recent trip to China, Nicholas D. Kristof wrote in The Times that “many Chinese complain scathingly that their system kills independent thought and creativity, and they envy the American system for nurturing self-reliance.”
Obviously, both philosophies of learning have their merits.
Ms. Chua’s children are marvelously accomplished. Her older daughter, Sophia, is only 18 and has already played the piano at Carnegie Hall.
But even Ms. Chua softened. After her youngest daughter, Lulu, then 13, smashed glasses in a restaurant, shouting, “I hate my life, I hate you!” Ms. Chua allowed a few play-dates.
What’s more, she told The Times, “My kids have whatever those things are called ? iPods.” KEVIN DELANEY
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